Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ides of March

8 months ago I posted my first blog entry.  I probably sat on it for 6 months before I told anyone about it.  I have a hard time allowing myself to be an open book.  It's not so much with the people who I'm close to in my life; I think I'm a very open person with people I choose to be open with.  It's more that I have a hard time being open with everyone. 

As I write these entries and gear up to leave on my great adventure, I have thought about how I want this blog to be.  I have the power to slant and romanticize any or all of it, but I don't want to do that.  Too often I am paralyzed by what other people think, or how other people see me.  I think this has been one of the greatest hindrances in my life.  My desire to be well-liked and perfect in the eyes of everyone has alienated me far too often.

As a freshman in high school, I had a bad baseball accident the last month of school.  I took a cleat to the face while trying to cover first from the mound and broke the orbital bone around my right eye.  I had to have titanium mesh screwed in to the bone to support the socket as it healed.  I looked like the Elephant Man.  I didn't go to school and I definitely didn't leave my house.  I didn't want to see my friends; I couldn't stand being seen at not my best. 

I don't ever want to put myself in places like that again.  Being open and vulnerable and not perfect is being human.  I hope that through these entries I can express to everyone who wants to read, the incredible highs I experience through this journey along with the times that I struggle, equally.  So this blog won't all be roses and it won't all be a bitchfest either, it's just me and it's just real. 

I hope that everyone can follow their dreams and live the life that they've always wanted.  Oh and beware the ides of March. 

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