8 months ago I posted my first blog entry. I probably sat on it for 6 months before I told anyone about it. I have a hard time allowing myself to be an open book. It's not so much with the people who I'm close to in my life; I think I'm a very open person with people I choose to be open with. It's more that I have a hard time being open with everyone.
As I write these entries and gear up to leave on my great adventure, I have thought about how I want this blog to be. I have the power to slant and romanticize any or all of it, but I don't want to do that. Too often I am paralyzed by what other people think, or how other people see me. I think this has been one of the greatest hindrances in my life. My desire to be well-liked and perfect in the eyes of everyone has alienated me far too often.
As a freshman in high school, I had a bad baseball accident the last month of school. I took a cleat to the face while trying to cover first from the mound and broke the orbital bone around my right eye. I had to have titanium mesh screwed in to the bone to support the socket as it healed. I looked like the Elephant Man. I didn't go to school and I definitely didn't leave my house. I didn't want to see my friends; I couldn't stand being seen at not my best.
I don't ever want to put myself in places like that again. Being open and vulnerable and not perfect is being human. I hope that through these entries I can express to everyone who wants to read, the incredible highs I experience through this journey along with the times that I struggle, equally. So this blog won't all be roses and it won't all be a bitchfest either, it's just me and it's just real.
I hope that everyone can follow their dreams and live the life that they've always wanted. Oh and beware the ides of March.